Staph among the Staff

Warning: If you want your ass blown out, keep on reading.

The Staph virus has broken out at work. Since I'm a lowly desk-jockey, I haven't been filled in on all the details. I did catch wind of this on Wednesday via a phone call from a patron whos doctor told her she had contracted it from our pool. Call me crazy, but I thought this announcement to merit an immediate relay of information to my supervisor Big Daddy D (Yes, that is what we will call him.) Big Daddy D is a cool cat. He is a fun boss to work for. The only other cool boss I've had in my short span of bullshit jobs was ironically the most credible job I have had to this point: The video coordinator for Baylor Football. We'll call him Jumbo. (We actually did call him Jumbo, look that shit up, naysayers.) I have digressed from my point. So I immediately go seek out Big Daddy D to tell him the information I have just recieved. He is on a treadmill running his daily 3 miles, which is his 2nd of 3 daily workouts. (The name Big Daddy D isn't meant to be misleading. He is a big man, but I'll be damned if he doesn't have the lungs of a Kenyan.) I proceed to recite the phone conversation to him. Never breaking stride, or a sweat for that matter, he looks at me when I'm finished and says, "...And?"

This throws me for a loop. I walk back to my desk like a dumbass. Apparently there is something I don't know. But if he's not worried about it when it's his ass on the line if it gets out of control, then I'm sure as hell not gonna lose sleep over it.

That brings me to today. I get to work early, get a little workout in, get my scrub on in the shower, and head to my desk to check my sportsbook account, facebook, myspace, and of course My very Own personal Monster. But something is different. Big Daddy D wasn't the same. He was in a mood. I can't say what kind, and I could spend 5,000 words on why. To save time, let's just say that when he's unusually happy and dishing out compliments like Oprah on mother's day, something big is brewing.

I was right. A few hours into work, I saw some people (who thought they were) dressed very business like, (who thought they were) carrying themselves very business like, and (thought that they) spoke very sophisticated rolled into the Fitness Center. One even had a briefcase.(..and though he was the shit because of this. A briefcase does not make you cool or powerful, especially not in the Butthole of East Texas. It makes you a dick.) Eventually, all gathered in Big Daddy D's office to discuss something. 2 things I noticed raised red flags for me that this was no ordinary tea party. 1) There were 6 people in the office including the Daddy himself. I have never seen more than 4 people in the office (which is very small) and even then it looked like a strange sex act was taking place. The second thing was that the door was closed, and the blinds were down in order to ensure privacy that no one would read their lips. Oh this must be good. It was then that I realized that they must be related to the school, because they had left the blinds up that was in my direct line of sight.

After the meetings, I didn't have much time to get information about what was said because I had a class to attend. I did manage to get this information out of my other manager, James. (We will call him James): "You need to make sure you are constantly sanitizing your hands as well as the counter for your sake and for the safety of our patrons. We have Staph infections being reported linked to our gym." I reply, "I know, I think I may have gotten the first call Wednesday." He looked at me like a dumbass, (yet again) and said, "yeaaa...I doubt it. Trust me." ooOooOoOoh spoooooky, right? lol

The last bit of information I gathered was the last thing I heard walking out of the building to go to class: James to Big Daddy D, "Did you get all of that?" Big Daddy D's voice responding, "I took notes." To which James replied, "Let's go."

Even though they are at the same school notorius for dumbass, unqualified employees, these two managers of mine are not in this group. They are the new breed. A monster so rare it can only be tamed by the likes of a beast-master such as myself. I know how to handle them, what to say, and most importantly, how to interperet the riddles of their intercommunication with one another. Knowing all of this now, just understand that I do not feel safe at work anymore. Yes, me, the perenial cynic, is officially scared of Staph infection. At least for the weekend.

Sorry to leave all 2 of you wonderful fans of the blog on the edge of your seat, possibly googling for a Staph Infection Repellent, but your not alone. The Beast-master is here with you in this state of hightened awareness, as our goverment so eliquently puts it. (Enter slow jerk here)

I will not be posting Saturday, for I will be hungover studying for a midterm and watching college football. I also will not be posting Sunday, for I will be hungover, watching pro football, and taking a midterm. BUT, on MONDAY, OCTOBER 22, 2007, I will be serving up a post like no other. I feel, my fuckers, that were are far enough into this Monster to stop and play a little catch up. I will update the Staph infection information (naturally), and then the remainder of the post will be sort of a catch-up and background. I noticed that I have left alot of mental stones unturned, yet at the same time I have dropped alot of new charachters into the mix. Hang with me, for on MONDAY, OCTOBER 22, 2007, we will be ready to set sail into the infinite abyss. Join me?

Tip your waitresses,

Resident, out.